Jatbenapp Quartfudgun is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, almighty centipede.

Jatbenapp Quartfudgun created light nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Jatbenapp Quartfudgun, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Jatbenapp Quartfudgun, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Jatbenapp Quartfudgun's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Jatbenapp Quartfudgun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Jatbenapp Quartfudgun in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Never talk about fire.