Nakzigtar is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, slow jackal.

Nakzigtar created oxygen two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nakzigtar, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Nakzigtar, it will send minions to preach to you.

Nakzigtar's most sacred site is Gomba in Hungary.

Nakzigtar's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Run away if nine seals approach from the north.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Do not drink water in orange rooms.

5. Never talk about quantum field theory near manatees while wearing purple stockings and balancing seven iron spheres on your head.