Quagkimbed is a god.

It takes the form of an one thousand metre long, idiotic lobster.

Quagkimbed created the planet Earth six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagkimbed, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Quagkimbed, it will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Quagkimbed's most sacred site is Cudillero in Spain.

Quagkimbed's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if seven gulls approach from the west.

2. Never run near mites.

3. Erect a large silver sculpture of Quagkimbed on top of all buildings.

4. Never talk about evolution by means of natural selection.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.