Quagrenquim is a god.

It takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, merciful slug.

Quagrenquim created dark matter nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quagrenquim, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Quagrenquim, it will try to impress you with trees.

Quagrenquim's most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Quagrenquim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about optics.

2. Never eat figs.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.