Nurlwonmat is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, humane dove.

Nurlwonmat created a bottom quark four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurlwonmat, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Nurlwonmat, he will cry a lot.

Nurlwonmat's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Nurlwonmat's Holy Commandments

1. Cats are not to be trusted.

2. Do not speak about tomatoes.

3. Hide from purple aardvarks for they are unholy.

4. Always make sure there are no badgers in a building before entering it.

5. Do not covet oxen.