Tiftonwap is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, passionate raven.

Tiftonwap created the planet Earth five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tiftonwap, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tiftonwap, he will attempt to scare you with lightening.

Tiftonwap's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Tiftonwap's Holy Commandments

1. Never hop in holy places.

2. Never write about bacteria.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Never write about planets.