Vandissarn is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, conceited hummingbird.

Vandissarn created viruses five billion years ago.

If you believe in Vandissarn, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Vandissarn, he will be very sad.

Vandissarn's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Vandissarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray immersed in water.

2. Never paint your legs blue.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Vandissarn.

4. Never eat strawberries.

5. Vandissarn loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.