Tinbamlik is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, flying crab.

Tinbamlik created a photon three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tinbamlik, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tinbamlik, he will be very unhappy.

Tinbamlik's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Tinbamlik's Holy Commandments

1. Never go into mauve rooms.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Put Tinbamlik first in all things.

4. Tinbamlik loves shrews, so they must be respected.

5. Never think about optics near tortoises while wearing purple kilts and balancing three gold spheres on your legs.