Godtabkam Bamdagpib is a god.

He takes the form of a three thousand metre long, sapient badger.

Godtabkam Bamdagpib created snails nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Godtabkam Bamdagpib, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Godtabkam Bamdagpib, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Godtabkam Bamdagpib's most sacred site is Oitti in Finland.

Godtabkam Bamdagpib's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured birds.

2. Do not drink water in red rooms.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Do not sit in public.

5. Hide if five monkeys approach from the south.