Beggidmid Kiknuljip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely large, smart cow.

Beggidmid Kiknuljip created vertebrates two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Beggidmid Kiknuljip, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Beggidmid Kiknuljip, it will destroy your favourite star.

Beggidmid Kiknuljip's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Beggidmid Kiknuljip's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Do not wear platinum on your body.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.