Latbopwik is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, grumpy ferret.

Latbopwik created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Latbopwik, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Latbopwik, it will turn you into a duck.

Latbopwik's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Latbopwik's Holy Commandments

1. Hide from green ants for they are unholy.

2. Erect a giant iron sculpture of Latbopwik in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Run away from black pigs, for they are unholy.

5. Never write about stars.