Yartwapfar is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, temperamental crow.

Yartwapfar created tapeworms five million years ago.

If you believe in Yartwapfar, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Yartwapfar, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Yartwapfar's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Yartwapfar's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your hands orange.

2. Never look at galaxies.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate bats.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.