Quimstipcen is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, selfish raven.

Quimstipcen created matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Quimstipcen, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quimstipcen, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Quimstipcen's most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Quimstipcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near nematodes while wearing purple shirts and balancing nine silicon spheres on your back.

2. Do not speak about turnips.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Look mercifully on unfortunate otters.

5. Never paint your neck indigo.