Lamfabsand is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, emotional mink.

Lamfabsand created silver eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lamfabsand, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Lamfabsand, he will think nothing of it.

Lamfabsand's most sacred site is Polagam in India.

Lamfabsand's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate tortoises.

2. Never write about evolution by means of natural selection.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not cook food in pots.

5. You must never eat apples.