Cipappbon is a god.

It takes the form of a gargantuan, unsympathetic swan.

Cipappbon created an atom seven million years ago.

If you believe in Cipappbon, it will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Cipappbon, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Cipappbon's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Cipappbon's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics near moths while wearing cyan shoes and balancing five lead spheres on your legs.

2. Worship no other gods but Cipappbon.

3. Do not trade with those who eat limes.

4. Learn six new languages a year.

5. Always look after injured swans.