Begsatmanvonk is a god.

She takes the form of a small, tiresome rat.

Begsatmanvonk created a down quark three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Begsatmanvonk, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Begsatmanvonk, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Begsatmanvonk's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Begsatmanvonk's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Never feed lots of aubergines to sheep while wearing indigo shorts.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Begsatmanvonk loves gulls, so they must be respected.