Sakhamzim is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, cheerful seal.

Sakhamzim created a bottom quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sakhamzim, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Sakhamzim, she will attempt to scare you with hail.

Sakhamzim's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Sakhamzim's Holy Commandments

1. Learn six new languages a year.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Never wear black coats.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Sakhamzim.