Kopnaklog is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, all-knowing raccoon.

Kopnaklog created an electron six million years ago.

If you believe in Kopnaklog, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Kopnaklog, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Kopnaklog's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Kopnaklog's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Always make sure there are no great tits in a room before entering it.

4. Never wear purple scarves.

5. Do not take Kopnaklog's name in vain.