Ortfadgad is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, omniscient porpoise.

Ortfadgad created carbon six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ortfadgad, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ortfadgad, she will not care at all.

Ortfadgad's most sacred site is Oppin in Germany.

Ortfadgad's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never feed tomatoes to tapirs while wearing hats.

3. Do not wear cyan clothing.

4. Do not hurt ducks.

5. Worship no other gods but Ortfadgad.