Hanpogtenhap is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, conceited unicorn.

Hanpogtenhap created matter eight million years ago.

If you believe in Hanpogtenhap, it will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Hanpogtenhap, it will boil you in a big pot.

Hanpogtenhap's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Hanpogtenhap's Holy Commandments

1. Hanpogtenhap must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

3. Whales are not to be trusted.

4. Do not speak about turnips.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.