Tafcamren is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, slow otter.

Tafcamren created dark energy nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tafcamren, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Tafcamren, it will be very unhappy.

Tafcamren's most sacred site is Dzhanka in Bulgaria.

Tafcamren's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep five eagles in a large pit.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never wear violet shorts.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Never talk about dark matter near rats while wearing yellow rings and balancing six silicon spheres on your hands.