Mum is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, tranquil wyvern.

Mum created carbon nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Mum, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Mum, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Mum's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Mum's Holy Commandments

1. Mum loves horses, so they must be honoured.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not keep eight great tits in a large pit.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

5. Always treat gulls with great respect.