Wikflantigpad is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, selfish sheep.

Wikflantigpad created matter eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wikflantigpad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Wikflantigpad, she will turn you into a mole.

Wikflantigpad's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Wikflantigpad's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate turtles.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate porpoises.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Always look after injured swans.

5. Never feed lots of pineapples to horses while wearing white jumpers.