Xinyaklarp is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, contented jaguar.

Xinyaklarp created everything that exists seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Xinyaklarp, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Xinyaklarp, he will destroy your home solar system.

Xinyaklarp's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Xinyaklarp's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dwarf planets.

2. Never run in holy places.

3. Never mention geese.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Erect a large iron sculpture of Xinyaklarp on top of all buildings.