Vogwikbeg is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, witty fairy.

Vogwikbeg created matter nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Vogwikbeg, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Vogwikbeg, he will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Vogwikbeg's most sacred site is Valdena in Italy.

Vogwikbeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about the weak nuclear force.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Vogwikbeg must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Vogwikbeg in the centre of the settlement.

5. Always stare at clouds.