Tarpflaplam is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, tiresome cow.

Tarpflaplam created a photon three million years ago.

If you believe in Tarpflaplam, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Tarpflaplam, it will turn you into a snail.

Tarpflaplam's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Tarpflaplam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Always help sick dogs.

3. Do not shave your legs.

4. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Tarpflaplam on top of all buildings.

5. Never look at moons.