Cumzedapp is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, competent mole.

Cumzedapp created the planet Venus three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Cumzedapp, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Cumzedapp, she will curse you with boils.

Cumzedapp's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Cumzedapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention turtles.

2. Do not shave your hands.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Never feed melons to dogs while wearing tights.

5. Always pray immersed in water.