Kanarpkip is a god.

She takes the form of a gargantuan, strong porpoise.

Kanarpkip created the cosmos eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kanarpkip, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Kanarpkip, she will turn you into a giant slug.

Kanarpkip's most sacred site is Penhale in England.

Kanarpkip's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint in holy places.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Always look after injured manatees.

4. Do not wear violet clothing.

5. Always pray immersed in water.