Kantofbit is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, annoying dolphin.

Kantofbit created the planet Earth two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kantofbit, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Kantofbit, he will send minions to preach to you.

Kantofbit's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kantofbit's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat lemons.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Kantofbit must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Feed all hungry tortoises.

5. Do not trade with those who eat apples.