Quatsommis is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, compassionate dingo.

Quatsommis created gold eight million years ago.

If you believe in Quatsommis, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Quatsommis, it will attempt to scare you with thunder.

Quatsommis' most sacred site is Quenstedt in Germany.

Quatsommis' Holy Commandments

1. Always help voles in need.

2. Do not chop down trees.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never write about deoxyribonucleic acid.

5. Always make sure there are no nematodes in a room before entering it.