Gessveenfad is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, witless weasel.

Gessveenfad created a top quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Gessveenfad, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Gessveenfad, he will turn you into a slug.

Gessveenfad's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Gessveenfad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory near nematodes while wearing indigo scarves and balancing six zinc spheres on your back.

2. Never laugh in holy places.

3. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

4. Retreat if nine sharks approach from the south.

5. Never feed corn to great tits while wearing hats.