Lanbemsom is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, omnipotent manatee.

Lanbemsom created an electron two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Lanbemsom, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Lanbemsom, he will turn you into a giant slug.

Lanbemsom's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Lanbemsom's Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine manatees approach from the west.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

3. Never hurt eagles.

4. You must love Lanbemsom.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.