Gadlarplab is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, intelligent tortoise.

Gadlarplab created viruses three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Gadlarplab, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Gadlarplab, he will send four elephants to rub you out.

Gadlarplab's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Gadlarplab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Never talk about the strong nuclear force near grasshopers while wearing violet kilts.

3. Gadlarplab must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Gadlarplab.

5. Never feed lots of onions to foxes while wearing blue trousers.