Bastzankipcitrullstanman is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, proud dugong.

Bastzankipcitrullstanman created a strange quark three million years ago.

If you believe in Bastzankipcitrullstanman, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Bastzankipcitrullstanman, she will turn you into a rat.

Bastzankipcitrullstanman's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Bastzankipcitrullstanman's Holy Commandments

1. Do not eat turnips.

2. Goats are not to be trusted.

3. Never feed lots of spinach to sharks while wearing magenta scarves.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never eat bark.