Spagnilcummontifyatzak is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, selfish dog.

Spagnilcummontifyatzak created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Spagnilcummontifyatzak, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Spagnilcummontifyatzak, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Spagnilcummontifyatzak's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Spagnilcummontifyatzak's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Spagnilcummontifyatzak.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.