Fagmilcun is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, competent hamster.

Fagmilcun created humankind five billion years ago.

If you believe in Fagmilcun, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Fagmilcun, she will turn you into a puffin.

Fagmilcun's most sacred site is Hongcun in China.

Fagmilcun's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Fagmilcun must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Do not kill sheep.

4. Do not speak about oranges.

5. You must pray to Fagmilcun seven times a day.