Nilcadved is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, self-confident penguin.

Nilcadved created a charm quark three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nilcadved, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Nilcadved, it will curse you with boils.

Nilcadved's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Nilcadved's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick geese.

2. Do not keep eight aardvarks in a large pit.

3. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

4. Do not speak about spinach.

5. Never look in ponds.