Wonloopdad is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, humorless crab.

Wonloopdad created the Sombrero Galaxy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Wonloopdad, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Wonloopdad, he will destroy your favourite solar system.

Wonloopdad's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Wonloopdad's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place in blue.

3. Worship no other gods but Wonloopdad.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.