Hatquilldit is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, boastful dog.

Hatquilldit created the Sol system nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hatquilldit, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Hatquilldit, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Hatquilldit's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Hatquilldit's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention porpoises.

2. Learn three new languages a year.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

5. Never think about the strong nuclear force near moths while wearing brown hats and balancing nine titanium spheres on your head.