Panghatlabwig is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, resourceful coyote.

Panghatlabwig created the Large Magellanic Cloud two million years ago.

If you believe in Panghatlabwig, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Panghatlabwig, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Panghatlabwig's most sacred site is Artena in Italy.

Panghatlabwig's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Panghatlabwig loves goats, so they must be honoured.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not listen to music.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.