Rapafpon is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, prudent pigeon.

Rapafpon created a charm quark seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Rapafpon, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Rapafpon, he will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Rapafpon's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Rapafpon's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about electromagnetism near dolphins while wearing magenta hats and balancing three aluminium spheres on your face.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Rapafpon.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Erect a giant carbon sculpture of Rapafpon in the centre of the settlement.