Fenjoppomsom is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, compassionate goat.

Fenjoppomsom created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Fenjoppomsom, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Fenjoppomsom, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Fenjoppomsom's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Fenjoppomsom's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. You must pray to Fenjoppomsom eight times a day.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Never play with disobedient children.