Cunxemgem is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, witty goblin.

Cunxemgem created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Cunxemgem, she will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Cunxemgem, she will cry a lot.

Cunxemgem's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Cunxemgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention hamsters.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near monkeys while wearing violet hats and balancing six copper spheres on your head.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not shave your feet.