Vonkcemxuck is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, flying dryad.

Vonkcemxuck created time and space five billion years ago.

If you believe in Vonkcemxuck, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Vonkcemxuck, he will turn you into a puffin.

Vonkcemxuck's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Vonkcemxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Never skip near snails.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Never think ill of sick swans.

4. Paint representations of stars on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Do not stand on grass.