Arpappbess is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, moody narwhal.

Arpappbess created the Whirlpool Galaxy four million years ago.

If you believe in Arpappbess, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Arpappbess, he will throw large rocks at you.

Arpappbess' most sacred site is Morella in Spain.

Arpappbess' Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Do not fashion models of living things.

4. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Arpappbess.

5. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.