Lagfab is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, smart salamander.

Lagfab created the planet Jupiter seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lagfab, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Lagfab, it will laugh at you.

Lagfab's most sacred site is Turckheim in France.

Lagfab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Feed all hungry turtles.

3. Never write about nebulae.

4. Never wear red ear rings.

5. Never eat green fruit.