Armjabdad is a god.

It takes the form of a two thousand metre long, fast guinea pig.

Armjabdad created Europe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Armjabdad, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Armjabdad, it will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Armjabdad's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Armjabdad's Holy Commandments

1. Armjabdad loves whales, so they must be honoured.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Erect a large zinc sculpture of Armjabdad on top of all buildings.