Somtarnurt is a god.

He takes the form of a small, quiet dugong.

Somtarnurt created gold six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Somtarnurt, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Somtarnurt, he will turn you into a worm.

Somtarnurt's most sacred site is Zlatolist in Bulgaria.

Somtarnurt's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum mechanics.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Do not wear turquoise clothing.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.