Pakhonfotwotfossgomhudtik is a god.

She takes the form of a five hundred metre long, calm squirrel.

Pakhonfotwotfossgomhudtik created the planet Saturn four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Pakhonfotwotfossgomhudtik, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Pakhonfotwotfossgomhudtik, she will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Pakhonfotwotfossgomhudtik's most sacred site is Hondarribia in Spain.

Pakhonfotwotfossgomhudtik's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from orange tortoises, for they are unholy.

2. Never write about chlorophyll.

3. Always make sure there are no capybaras in a building before entering it.

4. Worship no other gods but Pakhonfotwotfossgomhudtik.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.