Hapfossnuttsas Cissgilquill is a god.

He takes the form of a huge, sage human.

Hapfossnuttsas Cissgilquill created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Hapfossnuttsas Cissgilquill, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hapfossnuttsas Cissgilquill, he will turn you into an amoeba.

Hapfossnuttsas Cissgilquill's most sacred site is Neravy in India.

Hapfossnuttsas Cissgilquill's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about planets.

2. Erect seven nickel sculptures of Hapfossnuttsas Cissgilquill on top of important buildings.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not wear tin on your body.

5. Do not listen to music.